Wisdom From Your Friendly Neighborhood Cashier Is Now On Youtube!

I'm a youtube vlogger as well and so I've decided to share a few of my retail stories in the form of vlogs on my channel! Hope you enjoy the first one and subscribe for more!

Shit Retail Staff Have To Put Up With

What The Hell Are You Smoking?

No you can't just go behind the counter into the courtesy area and grab cigarettes just because no one happens to be there at the moment. You have two choices, neither of which entail grabbing a pack and bringing it to scan yourself at self serve! You can either wait at courtesy or go to buy them at another store!

The Future's So Bright...

No, the manager can't get you sunglasses because the lights in here are brighter than usual. *headdesk* Lol! God, I work with some interesting folks!

26 Faces Every Single Retail Worker Will Immediately Recognize

Via Buzzfeed: http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/faces-of-retail?bffb#.ugVNv60PmO

#2 Lol! Someone actually said to me the other day, 'that's not a new one for you is it?'

#4 Rest assured I am mentally bitch slapping you and setting you on fire though.

#5 If you only knew how HAPPY this makes us. You have no idea.

#6 I think this woman shops at every single store in the world.

#8 We do this. Everytime. And are also mentally hoping you get hit by a bus. Twice.

#12 Yes we hear you. No, we are not turning around.

A Bitch Slap Courtesy Of Semisonic

9:05 does actually come after 9:00 so when I tell you that courtesy closes at 9, telling me that it's 'only' 9:05 makes me wonder just what today's education system is teaching our children about how to tell time, and does earn you a mental bitchslap.

Wink Wink Nudge Nudge...Um No.

Customer leans over to me from his place in line at register 1: Can I cash out there? (points to self serve)
Me: Sure.
Customer: Can you walk me through?
Me: Sure I can show you how to do it. (starts leading him to first available register
Customer: Oh I don't really want to do it at all.
Me:(pretends not to hear that) Here you go. I'll show you how it works. Just hit Start.
Customer: (nudges me with his elbow and a grin) I don't want to cash myself out. You can just do it for me, right?
Me: Uh no. This is self serve. I'm supposed to talk you through how to do it yourself. (points back to regular register)
Customer: (huffs and goes back to regular register)

23 Things Supermarket Employees Won't Tell You

http://www.buzzfeed.com/michelleregna/secrets-supermarket-employees-wont-tell-you?bffb&utm_term=.dh9Gy03elE#.ltMmoRke1z

Oh lord. #7. Yes! 

#8 They should really give you not just holiday pay, but body armour when you work holidays. 

#15 Yes, we've gone to the back and no we didn't actually do anything back there. We said we don't have it to get you out of the store. Bye bye!

No Parking Zone

When you're on self serve, and done your transaction, MOVE your cart out of the way. Don't just leave it there in front of the register or blocking the small aisle in between the rows, you douchetard!

I Don't Think That Means What You Think It Means

If I tell you that you picked the wrong item because the code is wrong, don't argue with me! I'm trying to help you and yes, I know better than you. Had one douchetard argue with me about the fact that the item he picked on the self serve screen was not the item he was buying. He hadn't bothered to punch in the specific code for it. When the item didn't register, he placed it in his bag and then of course because the scanner hadn't picked it up, the sensor went off saying there was an item he hadn't scanned in the bagging area. He of course, insisted it had scanned it before he bagged it. Very easily and slowly I showed him how it was NOT on the screen with his other items because while he had looked up the item (the wrong item) he hadn't pressed the button to choose it. As I tried to explain that he had to enter the code, he ignored me, looked it up and chose the wrong item again...at which point I had to cancel the item because this moron refused to admit I was right and that YES he needed to punch in the code. He snapped at me, "What difference does it make?" Uh it makes a difference because you're BUYING THE WRONG THING! I sincerely hope that a)this moron never reproduces and b) he chokes on the item he bought.

                     

Artificial Unintelligence

The self serve machine isn't psychic. If you put in a bill, the machine will give you the change it wants, not the change YOU want, so if you need loonies instead of a toonie, quarters instead of dimes etc, you're better off going to a regular register. (In Aragorn LOTR voice)There will probably come a day when machines will be able to read your mind, but it is not this day. Lol!

The Electric Slide

If you put the folded up label of something you ordered from the deli, on the belt instead of just handing it to the cashier and it slides under the belt cause it's too thin a) that's your fault, b) yes you do have to go get another one so the cashier can scan it and most importantly c) once you leave the line to go get another label, the cashier will serve the next person in line and yes you will have to get back in line because no, we will not HOLD your place in line, particularly if it's busy. You were not ahead of anyone. Once you leave the line, our business is over until the people who are still in line are served. You are not more important than anyone else.