No Drunk Discount

Going shopping while drunk may result in you hitting on other women, like our poor deli folks while your girlfriend is standing right there! Don't drink and shop! 

Greed Is You

Just so you know, if I ask you for a charitable donation and you say no and then say yes to redeeming your points without then donating, I'm totally judging you.

Charity Jackass-Case

When I ask you for a donation, a simple no will suffice. Had this most atrocious excuse for a human being actually tell me that it was 'Darwinism' and we should just let nature take its course with 'those people' though he knew that wasn't a popular idea in our 'Commie' city. WTF??? I stared at him and explained that the donations were going to disabled children. That shut him up, as if it made a difference whether the money was going to a disease, which I think is what he thought, or a disability. He was with this girl and I gotta say, if it was me, the relationship would have been OVER right there! What a horrific human being, and I sure as hell wouldn't want to take the chance of having any kids with him. Good God, what kind of hateful things would he teach them? I'm just agog at being confronted with such pure arrogant evil.

Bad Touch

Me: Thank you for calling (store name) how may I help you?
Guy: This is blah blah from the center for blah blah. I just want to inform you that Joe and Steve (store name) are pedophiles. Thank you.
(blink) Now what was going through my mind was WTF? What I said was, in a completely unaffected, not going to even put up with your crap and give you the satisfaction of acting shocked: You're welcome.
(click)
This guy had just that tone of a hipster douchetard loser who rails against the 'establishment' and thinks all corporations are evil. Oh shut up you, loser and go back to your mommy's basement.

You're A Ham, But You're Not Funny!

Douchetard complained to me that he didn't want me to put anything on top of his ham because he didn't want it squished. His SLICED, flat ham. (shakes head)

Tug-Of-Knock It Off

Stop hanging on to the bag as we bag it. It's annoying. It's one thing if you're helping to bag, but if you're just hanging on to the bag, I want to smack your hand away. Stop it.

I Don't Work For You

Was closing up to go home when a douchetard customer told me I couldn't close up because there was a line up. I very pointedly looked at him and laughed that I was going home. Pft. Was he gonna pay me to stay longer? Methinks not.

Price Match Fail

Had a customer the other day trying to get me to give her a store made pizza for cheaper because it was a different price than another store made pizza. Um. No. They were different types of pizza. Nice try. And no, you can't put it back if you don't want it. I'll take it back. Thanks. (snorts)

Ready, Aim, Squat!

Gandalf, our homeless guy going to the bathroom on the floor (and it wasn't pee!) and having someone else clogging the sink with paper towels! Good lord people. WTF is wrong with you?

No Valet Service!

When I say that you can pick up an item before you leave to replace the one you were going to get that had a dent in it, that I scanned anyway just to cash you out, I do mean YOU can go pick it. No, I'm not going to leave my busy line to go get it and no, the girl cleaning behind me who is going home can't go get it for you. 

Retail Stole My Life By Rob Gonzo

                                          

What's The Point?

Like most point programs, the redemptions are in levels of 5. Guy comes and his total is about 8 bucks. He says he doesn't want to spend any money so isn't there anything we can do to fix the total in the register to make it 10 exactly. Er... no! Well, then he asks what if he gets something that doesn't add up to ten, exactly? I explain he'll have to pay however many cents over it is. He gives me an annoyed look and says he needs to go take out money. Wow! Lol!

Here's An Umbrella-Ella-Ella For Your Raincheck

If you want a rain check for an item, yes, there is a process to getting one and no the new cashier can't do it. You have to get it done at courtesy and I have no control over how fast things move from the shelves. Chances are, if it's on sale, it's going to go fast. If it's night time, chances are the sale item is going to be cleared out. That's how sales work, Princess.

Do I Look Like The Little Mermaid To You?

Have to share this story someone told me about a lady who went to the cashier and complained that we had live lobsters in a tank for people to buy. She said it was cruel. If you choose not to eat animals, don't. But don't complain about people who want fresh lobster, meaning we have to keep them in a tank. Thunderous twat!

We Apologize For The Inconvenience Of Your Stupidity

Had only two cashiers and myself for most of the day. Had to have upstairs folks come down often to help w huge lineups. Had one douchetard in line constantly complaining even after I tried to explain we were short. Another douchetard was taking pictures. People, this was obviously a stressful day. You had to deal with it for a couple of extra minutes in line, we have to deal with it for hours still after you leave. Some perspective and patience, okay?

Making Honey Boo Boo Look Classy!

Okay, story time. So I'm on courtesy and cashier across from me is going on her break. Couple with huge load of groceries decide they're going to come to me. Um no. I explain this is the express lane so I can't take them. Guy and his trailer trash looking girlfriend insist they are not going to wait in a longer line. I insist they can't use the express line. Douchetard starts placing his stuff on my counter! By this time a line is forming behind them w those who actually are following the rules. I could make a stink and continue to refuse or I could just serve them and get them out of the store. I decide to just serve them. I apologize emphatically to the other customers while trailer trash girlfriend is drinking a juice and makes to leave the box on a shelf. Um. No. I tell her to put in a garbage as that's not it. ( later found the box in a cart. I tell him that they're being very unfair to the other customers and they wouldn't like it if they had to wait in line behind someone with too many items for the express line. He laughs and says that life is not fair but for him it was today because I had to serve him!!!! I was just horrified by this couple's arrogance and selfishness! Next time I'm just calling a manager. I hope a whole family of pigeons shit on them!

Six Pence None The Richer

If you're paying for your lotto in mostly nickels, dimes and pennies, perhaps you shouldn't be gambling. Just a thought!

You Hang Up, No, You Hang Up!

It may be a good idea to decide which of you is going to pay before you get to the register. You may think it's cute to laugh and giggle and try and stop each other from paying, but the rest of us in line and behind the counter just want to bitchslap you!